Mother's Day...Again

One of my extras enjoys sharing photos on facebook. Many of her photos depict her in clothing without her temple garments. Today, there were a few photos in which she had on a tank top with spaghetti straps, very short shorts (what we used to call hot pants), and very cute/sexy shoes with 4-inch heels. She doesn't view these the same way I do. Perhaps she views this clothing line as cute and sporty. I think she looks like a skanky prostitute. I find it funny how her husband always wear baggy pants or shorts and a full shirt. He never sees the need to wear a muscle shirt. And yet he takes photos of my extra with her butt posed for exhibition.

I was laying in my bed, wondering why I let this bother me so. Silent tears fall. I wonder how she would respond if any of her sisters were seen wearing such an outfit, or making the same pose. I suppose I am focused on the sensuality of the clothing and the pose. Why would her husband want to parade his wife around like that?

I admit I place blame on her husband. He spends a large amount of time on the computer during his work hours. I cannot help but assume that he visits multiple websites. I even wonder if he habitually visits porn sites. Perhaps he is desensitized to seeing women in skimpy clothing. What is this mindset that causes him to flaunt his wife in front of other's, but at the same time exhibit extreme jealousy?

I know she would not have worn these outfits when she first met her husband. I know she didn't wear these type of outfits when she dated him. It is odd that he encourages her to wear them now, after they have gone to the temple. Of course, it is odd she became so temporal after praying and seeking for good rolemodels. They have so many toys and beautiful belongings. They travel and play. But I don't see her acting or being treated like the treasure she is. Casting pearls before swine is what it looks like to me. The silent tears became full, and I wonder how I could have taught her better.

This train of thought inevitably attacks me on Mother's Day. I review all the stupid behaviors I went through as a young mom. I berate myself for how I disciplined Nanna and Cookie. I tear myself up over the lack of patience with Ladybug and Tigger. Guilt floods my soul as I think of how fast time has gone by and how I cannot go back and change anything.

I am filled with gratitude that my girls committed to coming into my home and allowing me to be their MOM. If they knew what they were coming into, they must have had such courage; which makes me feel even more inept. Cookie works so hard as a mom. She gets burned out and I wish I could pop in at her house and rescue her from the stress. But I never do...I hold myself back. Nanna seems to enjoy staying at home with her children and it is evident that she engages in activites which encourage growth. But in my mind I picture her crying in loneliness and frustration. Ladybug seems anxious to start her family and it makes me nervous. She probably is more prepared to be a mother than any of us are, or were. But will she find joy in it, or depression? Tigger looks forward to married life with her beau and I fear she will move into parenting too soon. Soooo instead of waking the Osm One with my crying, I escape to the digital world.

But the thoughts still haunt me. Am I really doing all I can as the mother for my girls? Am I the kind of daughter, sister, spouse I should be? I don't think so. And yet, as I think about this, I am filled with anxst at the thought of intruding on anyone's world.

I guess this year, mother's day fails due to tank tops and hot pants.