I HAVE A QUESTION

We should all take a few minutes and reflect upon the following questions:

What am I like to live with?

I would imagine I am quite boring. And irritating because I can be so lazy...like loading or emptying the dishwasher. And slow to clean the bathroom. And I make big, big, big messes. I keep my electric blanket too warm. I get distracted easily and find it hard sometimes to follow a long conversation or story. But there are other times when I can be totally fun!! Right? Right!! Like when I go surfing on the wood floor in my socks, or watch scary shows on Animal Planet and get everybody drawn into it. Or when I finally get the joke that someone told yesterday and start laughing my guts out.

Do I forgive easily?

I really don't think so. I get mad easily and hold onto it. I do a lot of processing by verbalizing my feelings. I DO forgive, but I find that it takes more time than it probably should.

Am I approachable?

I have always thought of myself as approachable, but then you meet someone who isn't sure how to respond to me and it makes me question why. I was always the confidante in Jr. High and High School. I held a lot of secrets for my friends because they just needed to talk. I feel good about myself when somone asks my opinion about something. But then it irritates me when they argue about it. I always say, if you don't want to know what I think, Don't Ask. But if you DO ask, be prepared for truth. I can be very approachable when I wear a thick mask to hide my fears of not measuring up.

Am I teachable?

Of course I want to say yes, but I find that as we age, we tend to believe we know it all. I was an A-B student in school. It didn't matter what class or for what grade (even in my graduate program). I accepted that the test scores showed what I knew, what I did not know were marked against me. I do not believe I am any different than I was as a student. I understand completely about 87% of what I am exposed to in life. The other 12% is unclear or unknown to me...so I need to be open to teaching. I get frustrated when I desire to learn and am given skeletal information. I think deeper than that. Am I teachable by the Spirit. Yes. Absolutely. But the Lord teaches me in a manner that may not be the same as yours. That is because the Lord knows me much more intimately than I know myself. He knows the ultimate lesson I need to learn through my experiences here on Earth and waits until the perfect time for me to be open to the interpretation.

Am I afraid to let go of control?

Yes!! There is a security in having control in life. I want to control what I eat, when I sleep, when I awake, who I work with, what I do with my time ect. I need to control my emotions--my anger, my laughter, my envy and pride. A vehicle that is not controlled can cause extreme damage to those around it. Even if it is only rolling along within the confines of a parking lot. Do I ever let go of control?? Yes. I have no need to control how another person chooses to live their life. I have no need to control my co-workers, although I might wish they did things differently. I want to control my environment and demands that I am subjected to. On a very personal level, I Need a certain amount of control to feel safe.

Do I dwell on the negative?

Yes. Unfortunately that is a negative thing!! However, I am also capable of seeing very positive outcomes from negative experiences. Or to see how I impacted someone during a negative experience. Depending on my 'mood', I will focus only on the positive or try to create a story about why something negative occurred. Like, claiming that man cut me off in traffic because his wife is in labor and he is on his way to the delivery--which is much more important than me being first in the turn lane!

Am I a perfectionist (never good enough)

Yes, I believe I am. Definitely not because that is how I was raised, but because I want to please. My ego is fragile enough that if I have disappointed someone in the least, then I feel like a failure. I do not like that feeling. I will never be quiet enough, or humble enough, or kind enough, or patient enough, or smart enough, or happy enough, or good enough...