Awwwww...the first born! Excitement, fear, fat, stretch marks, and PPD. Who voluntarily puts their wife, or their own body through this!! The Osm One and I had just begun our marriage in January 1983. The world revolved around just the two of us! We had no job, no insurance, no furnishings, and no phone, but we had all the ingredients necessary to put that little muffin in the oven!
I suspected I was pregnant long before it was verified. Urine tests said I wasn't pregnant and an additional blood test said I wasn't pregnant either. It took a trip to the doctor to finally verify why I had been so sick---everyday, all day long. (what happened to morning sickness?)Due to circumstances, I had never experienced a gyn exam so I added a bit of personal nervousness to that day. But once I was examined, the doctor stated that my uterus "felt pregnant" (hmmm?) so he pulled out the fancy, shmancy dopplar that can find a babies heartbeat! Sure enough, there was something growing in there!!
I was sick all the time. The osm one was working all the time. I was in bed when he left for work, I was in bed when he returned from work. And if he even thought about opening a can of tuna fish or peanut butter, I could smell it in the bedroom. (my nose still picks up odd scents no one else pays attention to) About five months into the pregnancy, I started packing on the pounds. By the time this baby was due, I had come to the conclusion that I wasn't really pregnant, I was just fat. The pregnancy just kept going and going and going. On my due date, the Osm one and I were in a laundromat doing our standard three loads of laundry. It was hot and noisy. I was fat and grumpy.
It was not uncommon for the Osm one to find me sitting up in the middle of the night sobbing because he no longer loved me because I was just plain fat. One night though, I was sitting up trying to figure out what labor is suppose to feel like. I was certainly very uncomfortable, but my tummy wasn't getting hard with contractions. I did have a horrible back ache going on though. We decided to go in to the hospital to check this out, after all the baby is 3 days late at this point. I was dilated to a four! whoot! that means I was half way there!!!
yea, right...Labor went slowly, slowly, very very slowly. By the time my body was ready to push, the baby was not so sure about this (seeeeee...I told ya I was just fat!!) The doctor on call determined that this labor had been too prolonged and the baby needed to come. Without an option, I was wheeled into the delivery room which was more like a sterile gym. I'm ready to kill people but the doctor had the nerve to ask if the residents attending on the delivery floor could attend the delivery. Like most women with a bowling ball between their legs....I really didn't give a shit about who was there, you could open the windows and let passers by get a glance....I just wanted it over with!
So everyone is in position and I am informed there is a mirror up above if I wanted to see. I assumed what I would see is my own body part being ripped in half, but what I saw made me nauseous! Instead of a baby's head, there were metal salad tongs sticking right out of me!! Now, that just is not something they warn you about. Oh, you are told some babes need a little tugging and you are told about these instruments called forceps, but no one warns you that they are placed inside of you and then just stick out...like an extra appendage!! I suddenly had four legs down there and no sign of a baby!!
After a long period of pushing, pulling, and tugging, Nanna was finally evicted from her burrow.The Osm one went with her to the nursery and I was left with that awful, on call doctor who invaded my body with salad spoons!! The baby weighted 8 lbs and 14 ozs. She was 21 inches long. A good size baby!! Especially for a first time mom with a 50 pound weight gain!! Unfortunately, between the salad spoons and the size of that babes' head and shoulders, I ended up with what is considered a 4th degree tear. You can tell me that, but what was that suppose to mean?
It meant it took the doctor a lot longer to stitch together the damage than it did to get that baby out!! My memory is that it took approx 2 hours. Yes it was surgery, not only to repair the episiotomy cut, but to repair the tearing beyond the episiotomy AND the tearing of skin and muscle into the anus/spincter. Oh no, they didn't warn this new mom about that possibility either. I kept asking if he was almost done because I would feel dizzy and nauseated and the on call doc got upset at me. He told me to just relax and he would let me know when he was finished. Hemorraging kinda slowed down the doctor's repair job but eventually he declare he was finished.
The Osm one was still with his new girlfriend down in the nursery, and I was moved to my own recovery room. In the recovery room, they make you try to go to the bathroom. What!! Can't that part of my body just have a break! Apparently not. The nurses helped me into the restroom, where I sat feeling dizzy and nauseated. I was frightened of vomiting and not being able to pee! New trick! turn on the fawcett and as the water runs, it convinces your body to urinate.
Yea right..It is now four hours after the delivery and I still had not asked about the baby. Nurses came to wheel me to the nursery to introduce us. Ummmm...couldn't I do that when I'm feeling a bit better? I remember very clearly the nurses talking all the way to the nursery telling me how gorgeous my baby was, how long her fingers and toes were. I was going to fall in love immediately. But when they wheeled me into the nursery and pushed me up to the bassinette, I wouldn't look at her. All I could think about was the shredded coleslaw that now existed between my legs.
They asked if I wanted to hold her and I refused. I just wanted to go to my room. My Osm one was perfect for our child though---he was totally smitten!!Back in my room they hooked me up for a blood transfusion. The Osm one was still with the baby. I was encouraged to use the restroom again. Tinkles. All the energy to get into the restroom and sit down brought nothing but tinkles. The nurses came again and stated I needed more blood. I cried. I didn't want any more. It was so cold and thick going into my arm that it hurt. They brought the Osm one to my room from the nursery and now I had three nurses AND the Osm one trying to convince me that I needed to accept another unit of blood or my ability to care for my baby would be compromised. Okkkkk. They wrapped a warm, moist towel around the IV through which the blood flowed. It helped minimally, but at least it was not as painful as the first unit. They provided a third unit of plasma only and that was enough. I was still very weak and dizzy for about six months following the birth. And the stitches from the repair were prickley and itchy. I used a heat lamp directed to the area, in addition to ice packs.
WEll, this did not go as planned for my first delivery. I wasn't very good at it, that is for sure. Those first years were a nightmare for me. But Nanna had the biggest grin and could make me laugh which allowed me to have good days mixed in with the rough days. Neither I, nor Nanna would have survived without the OSM one.
Today, Nanna has three children of her own!! Brave woman! She even has 9 lb babies!! (Payback!)By the time she was in late grade school, I felt more like a mother to her, I wish I had been better prepared for the dark side of motherhood prior to being dropped off in it.
The good things: I'm sure, like all mother/daughter relationships, there are things I did or said that were offensive, but Nanna is loved with my whole soul!! She just came with the hardest life lessons the Lord expected me to master!!! I love to eavesdrop on her when she is unaware. She has become a wonderful daughter, sister, wife, and mother!
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