WHO ARE YOU? WHO AM I?

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http://ilikebeingsickanddisabled.com

There are no right or wrong answers; they’re fodder for reflection.

If something is forbidden, do you want it less or more?

 I generally don't seek what is forbidden, but I would want to know who forbid it. For example, I did not mind being told 'No' as a teen. The biblical "forbidden fruit" would likely have tempted me if I did not understand why. Being forbidden to go into Nutty Putty Cave does not make me want it more, it just enhances my feelings that it should be off limits.

Is there an area of your life where you feel out of control? Especially in control?

My fear of other's judgement toward me and my fear of embarrassing my friends and family is always out of control, ALWAYS. But I am especially in control of how I complete my day. I learn many, many years ago that I was not going to be the perfect person I wanted to be. That gave me the freedom and permission to say "NO" to anything and anyone. I DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING I DON'T WANT TO!!

If you unexpectedly had a completely free afternoon, what would you do with that time?

Easy!! I would either get into my pajamas, climb under my electric blanket and read, read, read. OR I would see a couple of movies back to back and eat junk food from concessions!

Are you comfortable or uncomfortable in a disorderly environment?

It definitely makes me uncomfortable. Even my own lack of organization during periods of my life drive me nuts!! I like my life to be clean and streamlined.

How much time do you spend looking for things you can’t find?

Not much. If it isn't where it should be, it is a surprise. I might spend a few minutes today and come back to it later. Generally I receive guidance as to where it is--I am just lucky like that.

Are you motivated by competition?

I enjoy watching competition. For example I have to have a team to root for or a basketball game is boring. I like to root for the underdog. Competition in my personal life makes me angry. This is who I am. These are my skills. If it isn't good enough let me know where I can improve, but don't compare me to another.

Fill in the blank: “I really wish I could make consistent progress on my project to _______.”

Of course I wish I could lose weight and become the healthiest possible. AND I wish I could have time to become proficient at all the computer programming I am interested in.

Do you find it easier to do things for other people than to do things for yourself?

I find it easier to do things for myself due to my fear of other's judgement.

Whom do you envy? Why?

I envy those women who have been able to remain in their homes and raise there children without ever having to officially work outside the home. Particularly those women who have the financial means to provide for their children all the extras like dance, gymnastics, ice skating ETC without having to figure out where the money is going to come from. But I also like having a nice home. Not a mansion or one that is too big, just one that is nice. Now, If I knew someone like this I would give a name but I don't know anyone with such blessing. Best Part? I would hire someone to do all the housework and cooking!!

What do you lie about? For instance, a friend told me he’d been telling people that he walked to work, when in fact he almost never does.

 I do my best not to lie. I will admit that I exaggerate when I tell stories. Usually they are funnier or just more entertaining and interesting with a little more emphasis. If it is important that the truth be told-I tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

What did you do for fun when you were ten years old? Do you still do that activity–or would you like to do it?

I think at age ten, the group of children in my neighborhood focused on pretend relationships. So we played 'House'. We would pick who our husbands or wives were and identify which bush our home was under. We also used our bikes as automobiles. All the husbands would go to work and the wives stayed home with the children (our dolls or just imaginary, or another child who didn't want to be an adult). We like to ground our children, children would run away, husbands were injured in car accidents ETC. It was real life. Do I still do that activity--well I do to an extend--but I don't get to pick what my circumstances are going to be each day. And I do a lot more kissing with my husband than I did at age ten. At age ten--I think we got away with it by moving into 'kiss chase'!

Do you work constantly? or think you should be working?

I commit too much time to my paying job and not enough to jobs that I want to do for myself like exercise, genealogy, travel ETC.

Do you embrace rules or flout rules?

 I generally embrace rules because they provide structure to my life. If everyone one would just follow the rules the same way, all the time, then life would be much less complicated!

Do you keep New Year’s resolutions?

I have given up making New Year resolutions. I never keep them. I decided I have to accept me for who I am.  I could work on that, but January 1st does not make me feel more pressure to achieve what I already desire.

Do you work well under pressure? Deadlines?

I actually prefer deadlines so I know my time frame. I can work well under pressure but there has to be a break in it eventually. If it is pressure due to an emergency, then I do very well under pressure. For some reason I can keep my head during an emergency that is occurring to others or around me. If the emergency involves my own body or my bodies reaction to something I tend to become irrational. For example, my own rapidly beating heart is a symptom of something horrible, while your rapidly beating heart is due to the excitement of seeing the movie star you would die to kiss!

What would your perfect day look like?

Waking to breakfast made by hubby, going to a movie with him and then lunch. Then walking together in the forest, just being calm. Taking time to read and relax. Having an excellently cooked steak and salad for dinner and then maybe an outdoor concert of a favorite group. Just me and hubby enjoying each other and activities we both enjoy!

How much TV do you watch in a week (and yes, this includes computer time spent watching videos, movies, YouTube)?

My TV time used to consume at least five hours each evening. Now, my work keeps me active n the computer for 10 hours a day. TV isn't as entertaining as it used to be. Too many reality shows regarding stupid people or stupid tricks. In reality, I spend about nine hours on the computer for my job, another two hours keeping up with posts on face book or reading blogs and then I spend four hours reading nonsense novels that involve vampires, shape shifters, or other nonsense that doesn't exist. (This is because I spend the majority of my day reading about horrific abuse and neglect within families. In my books, dads are not the bad guys)

Are you a morning person or a night person?

I am a night person due to insomnia, which completely messes with a morning plan!!

 

What’s more satisfying to you: saving time or saving money?

I am one of those that believe time IS money. And my is worth more than I have ever been paid for it!!

Do you like to be in the spotlight?

Sometimes. I like to act and I like to teach. I hate being the scapegoat for anything!!

Is your life “on hold” in any aspect? Until you finish your thesis, get married, lose weight, move?

At this very moment I feel it is on hole until I get surgery on my neck so I can get back to the computer and keyboard without pain!

What would you do if you had more energy?

I would walk more or ride my bike consistently to catch the train. I would be able to give more time to my friends and neighbors and especially to travel to see my grandchildren! And if I had more energy, I would even be able to play the games the grandchildren choose!

If you suddenly had an extra room in your house, what would you do with it?

Well, I have room available in my house for my children to stay when they need a little help or when they come to visit. If I had a little cottage, I would love to rent to a starving student family and then without them being aware before hand, reimburse all of their rent when they are preparing to move so they can buy a home. I think that would be coool!

What people and activities energize you? Make you feel depleted? Music has always energized me. I attended a baseball game in a ball park where they used music and fun activities throughout. I always thought baseball was boring but it was very exciting with the addition of the music. People in general do not energize me unless you are counting the increase of adrenaline due to anxiety. And things that make me depleted are heat. Anything done in the heat of day, under a hot sun, or warm wind will flatten me right out. I get depleted when someone I love complains of the same things over and over and I have no further advice I can share. Then I just feel like a failure.

Is it hard for you to get rid of things that you no longer need or want?

Not at all. I love de-cluttering the home for a trip to good will.

On a typical night, what time do you go to bed? How many hours of sleep do you get?

I disappear into my bedroom at 8:00 PM and crawl under my blankets to read silly novels. I generally fall asleep around 1:00 AM, but it is not uncommon for me to still be awake at 5:00 AM. If I am going to be on time and catch the train for work I have to be ready by 7:15 AM so I get out of bed around 6:00 AM. When I add up those numbers, I usually get about 5-6 hours. That is really bad. 

If at the end of the year, you accomplished one thing, what is the one accomplishment that would make the biggest difference to your happiness?

Meeting the demands of my job and feeling appreciated for what I have done. Saving the future for children involved in Child Welfare. Getting rid of horrible workers in Child Welfare. Ensuring my children and their children will be safe and secure in the future.

Is there an activity that you love to do–yet somehow never seem actually to do it?

I love to be in the natural forests. I love nature but never have enough time to travel to all the places I want to see like the Giant Redwood Trees, A Tropical Jungle, the Glaciers in Alaska ETC.

Here’s a final question for you: What questions would you add to this list, to help other people know themselves better? It’s so important, and so elusive.

• What part of your personality are you most comfortable exposing to the public? What part do you keep hidden?
• When did you know what you wanted out of your adult life? Are you approaching success?
• What part of yourself do you wish would disappear and what part do you wish was enhance?
• If you were required to wear a mask every day, describe what it would look like. Draw a picture if possible.